Sunday, February 17, 2013

January Blues

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Gratuitous Cheese shot.[/caption]

I won't lie, January was hard. Bitterly cold, jet lagged baby, sick family over and over again, plus a case of the blues that just wouldn't budge. I've been struggling to find room for myself again now that Eloise is getting older and doesn't need me quite so much. I've been feeling time slipping by me in all directions. In Eloise's little face as it slims and grows, in my friends' careers as they get promoted and start their own businesses. I've been feeling torn in a way I never thought possible between choosing myself or choosing to spend my time with Eloise.

It's a fine line to walk. I love hearing every word for the first time, seeing every new trick she throws out daily. I also feel like I've been living my life entirely for someone else, and that I've completely lost myself.

So what's the answer? I'm trying hard to get some freelance and part-time work going that I can do with some short babysitting stints for Eloise, and during her naps. So far it's going well, but it's also hard! Hard to focus, hard to spend all my free time working rather than resting up for the next tornado Eloise. It's better than the alternative though, and I still get to spend most of the week with my crazy, wilful, adorable toddler.

No comments: